


Unsolicited advice

by Myrs_Fics



Series: KS Skooma [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Parents are embarrassing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 19:57:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10578414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myrs_Fics/pseuds/Myrs_Fics
Summary: His mother-in-law came across as so very kind, until the day she asked him to carry her shopping. He then realised that maybe Sakura was right when she said her mother was a nightmare.





	1. His side

**Author's Note:**

> This is utter crack. The idea popped into my head and wouldn't leave me alone until I got it down. Two short chapters of PWP!

She uses his old title like a punishment now.

The way she says it is reminiscent of the times he'd scolded one of the pack for chewing through one of his sandals, or when they all slept on his bed at once (a terrible, terrible accident which resulted in the whole thing breaking and one of the dogs actually becoming trapped in the ruined mattress).

"Kakashi~Sensei."

That's all she'd have to say, and it would feel like she'd snapped him on the nose with a newspaper.

It was, unfortunately, predictable.

It was also, much to his self-disgust, entirely of his own making.

Not being honest about injuries.

Turning up late after making arrangements to meet her.

Taking a side other than hers on any given argument.

Granted the last of that list was very few and far between. They got along famously or, as Ino had sneered one evening, revoltingly well.

"Kakashi~Sensei."

Wow. He really was in trouble. The most disturbing part of this scenario, however, was the terror instilled in him because this time, he didn't know what he'd done wrong.

That alone was enough to give him an extremely lengthy pause.

"Get in here. Right now. Kakashi~Sensei."

She was enunciating now. That never boded well.

He peered around the back door into the living room and waited for something sharp to head in his direction. When nothing flew towards him, nor past him, he slowly stepped out from the cover of the wall separating the two rooms and cautiously approached the origin of his wife's voice.

When she came into view, he paused to take in the tiny pinpricks of her pupils and her flushed cheeks, obviously brought to so bright a hue from her very obvious rage.

She jabbed a finger violently in his direction. To his horror he actually felt the air pressure from the gesture press solidly against his chest. He'd never experienced an ominous presence so physically before.

He contemplated his potential exits and the possibility he'd make it to and out of them by probability of success with Sakura present in the same room.

His odds were, quite bluntly, shitty.

"Did you, or did you not," she heaved, hissing out the words with venom in every syllable, "give my MOTHER a copy of that filth you read around the village."

In an instant he knew what he'd done, but for once, he found himself willing to fight back. As far as he was concerned, he'd done the poor woman a favour at a terrible price to himself.

He took a deep breath and looked her dead in the eye with the confidence of a man that had faced worse and lived to tell the tale.

"Your mother cornered me in a very public place yesterday under the guise of needing help carrying her groceries."

Sakura paled. Her hand twitched where it remained pointed towards his chest.

"She then proceeded to- and I feel the need to point out that this was unprompted and completely not what I signed up for when carrying your mothers bags-" her hand drops and he continues, "-she proceeded to tell me all the horrible details about her apparently," he raised his hands, making a quotation gesture with his fingers "Dead…" he mumbled the next word unintelligibly, unable to get it out properly but plowing on with the last word despite it, "-Life."

"Oh My God."

"Sakura. No man wants to know anything about his Mother-in-Laws ...life. I almost died on the spot. Your mother thought I had heat-stroke."

"Why didn't you tell me she said that!?" She screeched, covering her now scarlet face with her hands.

"Because I was mortified that your mother was telling me about her v-v- NO. I'm not going there. I didn't want to know, I never asked to know, and I'm not going to relive that. Ever. So you can be mad at me as much as you'd like, but I swear I only gave her the book because it seemed like the last thing I could do to get her to stop."

"You gave my mother 'Icha Icha: Infiltration', Kakashi!"

His shoulders dropped and he looked skywards for divine intervention.

"Believe me, it was the last thing I wanted to do, for the Firsts sake Sakura, it was the ONLY copy in existence! THE ONLY COPY. YOUR MOTHER IS AWFUL."

He was on the verge of tears.

It was that good of a book.

It also happened to be Jiraiya's last works, bequeathed to him posthumously by Jiraiya's last will and testament.

'My biggest fan. Your favourite author, Jiraiya' had been lovingly inscribed on the first page of the cover. There was even a cute doodle of a puppy.

He'd hand bound it too.

Sakura spluttered.

"I WALKED IN ON MY PARENTS DURING AN S & M SESSION."

Silence filled the room.

He felt a little of himself die on the inside. So Sakura's mother had re-enacted his favourite scene with her husband.

Even worse, thanks to his insufferably quick mind, he then envisioned, with horrific accuracy, the scene that used to hold the protagonist and her beloved in the quite literal bindings of ecstasy. The two people were not a dashing kunoichi and her 'kidnapped' Daimyo's son who was her willing captive and lover. Oh no. Now it was Mebuki hog-tying her husband with a relish that drove Kakashi to despair.

It was only a matter of moments before he could no longer recall how he had first envisioned the heroine and her man. Instead, the story might as well have been about the Haruno's.

It took a few moments for him to realise that the unpleasant whine akin to a dying animal cry was actually coming from him.

Sakura, in a sudden moment of utter selflessness, crossed the room, brought him into her arms and cradled him against her.

"I am so sorry. I had no idea she'd do that to you! I told her you weren't the kind of guy to talk to about that but…oh shh, love, come on. It's alright."

He was really crying now. Ugly crying. He was glad her head was tucked against his shoulder because he knew just how bad he got when he lost it. Thank god her head wasn't under his chin as usual. He was grateful that she was wearing a jacket too, because at least she could take it off and wash it. He'd feel even worse if he covered her not just in tears, but in snot and saliva too.

God he felt bad.

A small part of him that wasn't so aggrieved at losing his book and being verbally tortured by his Wife's mother was relieved that despite all this, Sakura wasn't angry at him anymore, and she still loved him enough to hold him tight even though he was soaking her with his misery.

He still missed his book though.


	2. She Said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura's mothers reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion?

________________

"Mother."

"Sakura~chan!" Mebuki is disturbingly bright for such a late hour of the day. "What brings you over this beautiful evening?" She chuckles a little too jovially. "Hoping for another eyeful were we?"

"Mother!"

"Don't take that tone with me missy, your Kakashi gave your Father and I such a gift! Why we-"

"MOTHER. YOU BROKE MY HUSBAND."

Mebuki halted her praises abruptly and stared at her daughter in confusion.

"But we had such a lovely conversation! He even shared that amazing novel of his."

"He hates talking about sex Mom! He can barely even ask me to bed! And that's just to sleep!"

"Now that I hardly believe!"

"MOTHER! I WASN'T JOKING! He's painfully shy! I didn't even see his face until we'd been married for three years! It took two more for the man to drop his pants!"

"Nonsense! You know what he reads, and in public!"

"It was what he did to keep people away from him! Ugh! I told you this, I told you so many times! Why on earth would you ask him about sex, and in PUBLIC!? And you took his book!"

"So that's what this is about! If you want it back, you only had to ask dear, no need to be rude."

"Rude? RUDE?"

Sakura threw her hands in the air and let out an incoherent screech of anger.

"If you're going to be like that I'm going to leave you to it and you can talk to me when you've finished your little tantrum."

'MOTHER."

Mebuki fixed her daughter with a stern look and jabbed a finger at her in reprimand.

"Just because you're having trouble with your sex life doesn't mean you get to take it out on me." She said and ignored Sakura's spluttering protest. "I'll give back that book, First knows you obviously need it more than your father and I do."

Red faced and fuming, Sakura was rendered incapable of speech by anger. Her mother retreated to a bookshelf and lifted a small, innocuous looking novel from it's top shelf. She returned and held it out to her daughter.

"Here. I suggest chapter 5. Seems to be right up the alley of that husband of yours. Might pull the stick out of you too dear."

The neo-sanin practically snatched the book out of her mothers hand and stomped out, hissing as she did so.

Kizashi hobbled into the room and sat down gingerly at the table.

"Was Sakura alright love?"

The blonde turned to her husband and shrugged.

"I can only assume she's having some…'marital' issues."

Kizashi nodded sagely.

"Ah. I see."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sense of humour is wonky, so terribly wonky :D

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for any trauma this may have caused.


End file.
